He. Is. Beowulf!

I watched Beowulf tonight as I was working. Man I laughed and laughed… which is not what the people who made this movie intended.  I don’t know quite how to explain what was wrong with this movie.  For one the CGI was terrible. Why go to the trouble of overlaying computer graphics on that level over stuff you already filmed? If you want to make such a grim and graphic story compelling, don’t make the characters look like plastic.  I expect this from video games.  It felt like a video game.  The acting struck me as unintentionally hilarious as well.

To more accurately portray my feelings on the movie in real time, here is what I typed into IRC (delusioned and Charlie make cameos)

(9:30:21 PM) KingMengi: Not much better hopes for Beowulf but… at least it’s mockable
(9:31:33 PM) KingMengi: It’s like one big video game cutscene….
(10:04:55 PM) KingMengi: This movie? Rediculous
(10:06:18 PM) KingMengi: Thank God for artfully placed leg…
(10:11:25 PM) KingMengi: lol… zomg this is cracking me up
(10:13:32 PM) KingMengi: I. AM. BEOWULF!
(10:23:04 PM) deadduck: beowulf is … meh
(10:23:37 PM) KingMengi: Yeah but there are parts that are just hilarious unintentionally
(10:25:04 PM) KingMengi: It could also be sleep deprivation
(10:30:07 PM) KingMengi: Boobies! :D
(10:40:42 PM) deadduck: heh
(10:41:08 PM) deadduck: i think it would have been better had it not been CG
(10:41:17 PM) KingMengi: Yeah
(10:41:26 PM) KingMengi: It looks like a video game
(10:41:43 PM) KingMengi: I feel like I should have a controller in my hand waiting for the cutscene to end
(11:06:12 PM) KingMengi: Dragon scene. Straight out of Shadow of Collossus
(11:12:09 PM) KingMengi: Ok nevermind. The dragon scene is kind of awesome.
(11:16:52 PM) KingMengi: He. Was. Beowulf!
(11:17:26 PM) KingMengi: I guess it was my turn to do running commentary on a bad movie tonight
(11:19:13 PM) KingMengi: Jolie ain’t that hot, folks… stupid Danes
(11:19:21 PM) Swashtech: lol.
(11:20:06 PM) KingMengi: Wow that was comical in all the wrong places

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Dice Master

The Dice Master
Davis I. Erikson

From the CCPD files. A narrative compiled from police records, interviews and psychologist sessions. For police eyes only.

Born into a broken home, Davis never had much to call his own.  One of the things he did have was board games.  Having no friends, he spent hour after hour and day after day playing game by himself inside.  He became obsessed with the dice and the chances they represented.  Had the cosmic dice been thrown better his fate would have been different. His life would have been better.  The isolation and the other kids’ teasing drove him to his wits’ end.

He saw college as his way out, a way to recast the dice.  He rigged a scholarship to Conway University and joined the engineering department. He excelled in all subjects, especially mathematics and the sciences.  He poured himself into his work becoming an expert in electronics and proving himself to be a brilliant student.  He maintained the same anti-social behavior he had exhibited through his childhood.

His personality problems kept the job offers at bay which Erikson perceived as another slight against him in the grand conspiracy to keep him down.  It is unclear what event was the breaking point but it is believed that one of this rejections broke Erikson’s sense of right and wrong.  He reasoned if life wouldn’t let him have a new start, to re-roll so to speak, he would take the chance himself.  He turned to a life of crime.

Using dice-themed weapons and gadgets he started by engaging in petty theft and and assault.  He used those funds to assemble a power base and rise in stature within the criminal fraternity.  He is now a fairly competent criminal and should be considered armed and dangerous.

(Dice Master and all Impact Comics characters belong to me. So hands off, thieves. Copyright 2008)

(Look for a tale featuring Dice Master soon!)