Man of Steel

So on New Year’s Day 2014 I finally decided to sit down and watch Man of Steel. I watch every single comic book movie (eventually) no matter what because I am a huge comic book fan. I was wary about a Superman film because the franchise has really burned me in the past. At least when Batman was bad it still entertained me. Superman Returns was so boring though. Still, it was time to man up and get through Man of Steel. Maybe all of the negative buzz was wrong. Maybe. I kind of live tweeted throughout the movie which is what you’ll see below along with explanations and further reflection. This is going to get spoilery fast, folks. To those who might complain I only have one thing to say: Rosebud was his sled.

I’m finally getting around to watching Man of Steel.

This one is kind of self-explanatory but is included as to be accurate and complete.

There sure are a lot of good actors in this mostly uninteresting movie.

Man of Steel has an impressive cast. I think I posted this when Larry Fishburne first showed up and I realzied just how good a pedigree this film’s cast had. When I bad mouth the movie later, keep in mind that I am in no way blaming it on the cast. They were just all hamstrung.

I seem to remember that being the worst way to deal with a tornado. Google agrees with me.

At a major point in the movie, the evil, mustache twirling tornado from Twister appears and Kevin Costner tells everyone to get out of their cars and get under the overpass. I vaguely remembered that this was specifically a very bad idea. Google happened to back me up this time. Here’s a link.

Oh Amy Adams you are so pretty and so utterly wasted.

I love Amy Adams in almost everything. I used to say that I love Amy Adams in everything but not anymore. I prefer to think she was a mediocre reporter and idiot who stole Lois Lane’s identity and tied her up in a closet in this one. Lois Lane is brave and intelligent. She takes so many stupid risks in this that I wanted to shake her. The top one was “Ooh there’s a menacing robot thingy. Time for flash photography.”

At this point, I wish they had just made a Russell Crowe sci-fi adventure and just left the rest out. He was badass.

Russell Crowe was the best part of the movie. The Krypton sequence was so good and new and interesting and it was because Russell Crowe was dynamic and determined. The mix of alien biology and technology was pretty interesting. After entering the rest of the plot, I wanted to retreat back to Krypton.

It’s like every morning before shooting, they made each cast member take a shot of nyquil.

Nobody seemed to act like anything actually mattered. Almost nobody was charming. They all seemed irritable and sleepy. None of the actors seemed to be able to muster much personality at all and it made the movie drag by so slowly.

This movie is no fun. Daredevil was way better. Ghost Rider was better. Ang Lee’s Hu… ok wait no that one sucked too.

Let me explain something. I am a fan of Daredevil. I think it was a fine movie. Ghost Rider was an ok movie and I definitely enjoyed it. I will never forgive Ang Lee for Hulk. Never.

What’s with all of the bug ships?

My friend Joe reminded me that Jon Peters was involved with this one. Jon Peters is obsessed with insects as Kevin Smith told us. Still, every one of Zod’s ships looks like a insect or arachnid. This post was specifically about one of the shuttlecraft looking like a beetle and not about the giant spider.

This movie needs a Gene Hackman.

Or even a Kevin Spacey, really. Everybody in this movie was acting all broody and dark, I desperately wished for a fun, over the top villain. Zod was basically grumpy cat going against emo Superman.

I feel bad about yelling at my laptop. It didn’t do anything wrong.

I think this was me yelling at Superman to actually try to save people instead of just slugging it out with the vilains. Ursa (or whatever her name was in this one) was mopping the floor with the Air Force or Marines or whatever but Superman didn’t make an effort to break away from Andre the Giant to help them even once. He didn’t even cast a sympathetic glance in their direction.

Suddenly the villain is both dynamic and sympathetic. What the hell?

When Zod lays out the full gravity of his situation, it looked like the cough medicine had suddenly worn off and I actually felt for the guy. That’s what I needed the whole movie but I got it for maybe two minutes in the last ten minutes of the movie.

This wasn’t a Superman movie. This was an Elseworlds tale about Superman In Name Only (SINO). Another Earth where everything’s all sad.

Yeah, this was a response to the controversial ending. I just about hit a BSOD on this one. It was not right. There was probably twenty different ways to deal with that ending that could have been way better. Way, way better.

Zack Snyder you suck. David S. Goyer, I expected better of you. Christopher Nolan… I’ll forgive you but only this once.

Alright, here’s where I take some of the venom out of my previous statement. Zack Snyder does not suck. 300 was watchable and I really liked Watchmen. David S. Goyer did a great job with Batman. Christopher Nolan did magnificent thing with Batman. The thing is, they tried to do Dark Superman. They tried to do Superman in shades of gray but Superman is not shades of gray.  Superman is good versus evil. Superman is truth, justice and the american way. This was not your father’s Superman. This was not even my Superman.

And that was Man of Steel. The last thing I will say is: Kick his ass, Affleck. Kick his ass!

I still think that Superman has a reckoning coming. Why would the world trust this asshole after all of that? I think Batman would need to have a talk with Supes after all of this.

So was it a bad movie? Yes. Was it as bad as I initially thought? No. The effects were fun and like I said the Krypton part was neat. It’s not as bad as Ang Lee’s Hulk but it got close enough.

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