Vampire’s Kiss (1988)

I was a little disappointed in this movie. During the A to Z challenge 2015 I’ve reviewed a few movies and I was pleasantly surprised. This time the surprise wasn’t so pleasant. I had heard of this movie as the “Nic Cage thinks he’s a vampire and overreacts” story and so I expected wild antics and wacky hijinx. Instead I got something I had never thought I would see. Subdued Nic Cage. I didn’t think such a thing was possible.

Just kidding. He was batshit insane once you get through the first twenty minutes and it was glorious.

Let’s face it, Nicolas Cage is incredibly strange. He makes good movies and he makes bad movies but he’s always the most interesting thing in any movie he’s in. He makes some of the strangest acting choices of anyone I have ever seen. The only one that can compare to the sheer strangeness of Nic Cage is probably Christopher Walken.

This movie certainly didn’t disappoint when it came to strange Nic Cage moments. He spoke with the weirdest accent and often accented the wrong words in sentences out of nowhere. His character was one of the biggest assholes to the point where asshole characters in the Twilight Zone would tell him to tone it down. Of course, at least when the Twilight Zone character is punished they learn they lesson. Not Cage’s character. He becomes a bigger asshole.

After that, he basically goes insane and acts in ways that most human beings would find puzzling or terrifying. I pride myself on my writing skills but I don’t think I can accurately describe what happens in this movie. I think the reason is that I mostly don’t understand the motivations of the main character most of the time. I mean, yeah he’s an upper middle class asshole who thinks he’s a vampire but that’s what’s in the script. Sometimes Nic Cage is operating from a different script and only God knows what was written in that.

Don’t get me wrong, this movie was terrible. It was unquestionably one of the worst things I have ever seen and I cannot recommend it in good faith. I would suggest that you watch it in a group and talk over the movie, especially in between the crazy Cage moments. There were definitely some funny moments and some fascinating moments but the movie was so boring the rest of the time. It’s not a good sign when I feel my attention drift off to other things during a movie I haven’t seen before. Now that I mention it, I think that’s what happened to the guy who composed the score for this movie. He wasn’t paying full attention either.

So basically we’re left with a movie that starts out like a normal movie where we’re following a jerk before his comeuppance and redemption. Maybe he’ll be like Scrooge. Then the movie just devolves into weirdness and madness. Please don’t watch this movie seriously. Don’t watch it alone.

Oh yes. I’ll just put this here in honor of A to Z Blog Challenge…

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One Response to “Vampire’s Kiss (1988)”

  1. datatater Says:

    I saw this (omg) 27 years ago, thanks for bringing it back to mind. I remember liking it at the time, but then those were strange times :-)


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