Posts Tagged ‘Pointless Theater’

Black Ops Elves

December 21, 2014

Holy crap it’s almost Christmas.  How time flies swifter than an arrow!  I attended another Pointless production and yet again it inspired a little story snippet.  I was so impressed with all of the world building my brother and Frank did that I was inspired to add a little expanded universe, Star Wars style. Also, another reminder to see any Pointless Theater production in Washington, DC or the surrounding area.

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The plane rocked a little in the wind again but nobody grumbled.  We were all once rookies and, when we were new, our stomachs would have lurched with the sudden movement.  Now we had been at this business for a long time.  Of course, it only took a month or two to become a hardened warrior.  That was what we were.  Hardened warriors in service of the Claus family though we never had any contact with the big man himself.  In fact, it’s been six months since I had seen the North Pole.  I found that I didn’t even miss it even more.  They say that you can’t go home and that’s true especially if it doesn’t even feel like home anymore.  This cargo plane feels like home or whatever shelter we bed down in for the night.
My name is Cowan Tinsletree but they have come to call me Silent Night which seems to fit a lot better.  Most elves are born to work towards the making and distribution of presents.  When you’re a kid that’s exactly what you want to do the same as all of the other people you grew up with.  My gifts didn’t lend themself to making presents or any part of the usual elf business.  Whatever it was that the older elves saw, they predicted I would be a good soldier.  I never there was a North Pole Black Ops and now I was the best sniper in the squad, capable of hitting almost any target with projectile weapons.
The newest recruit had only been with us for 68 days but she actually fits in pretty well with the team.  didn’t fit in back home either.  Gwenevere Snowfuzz is the only goth elf I have ever met and boy did she grow up frustrated.  That frustration led to her firing, arrest and deportation out here to the world.  She broods a lot and keeps to herself but in the middle of some missions I swear I’ve seen her smile.  It’s not the friendliest smile but probably more than she got back home.  She prefers to keep things close and personal when it’s time to fight.  Her blades barely flash before a target drops.
Halo Startwinkle rarely talks and when he does, it’s barely more than a word or two.  His chief job was piloting the plane which he seemed to really like to do.  He got a kind of serene look on his face even if the plane was under heavy fire.  It was actually pretty inspiring to see somebody love their job so much.   In a pinch the guy could handle a weapon pretty well but he didn’t like to do it and, of course, he would never say why.
Harmony Ciderhearth is a very charming and handsome elf.  From what I hear, he was too charming as he may have gotten too close to the Clauses and sometimes when that happens you have to go.  There aren’t a lot of choices when you’re exiled from the poles but who knows why he chose this life.  I do know that he enjoys the missions a little too much.  I was born to do this but it’s not like I exactly want to but Harmony would pick this over just about anything, I think.  He is currently our expert on magic and is a strong practitioner of Christmas magic.  We couldn’t be as fast or stealthy as we are without the same magic that Santa and the rest of the elves use for more peaceful means.
The final member of the current squad actually got here before I did.  When I left the North Pole for good, the wound he left was still pretty fresh.  His name was not allowed to be spoken and severe penalties were still being given out for talking about him.  Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer sat in a corner of the cargo bay and puffed on a cigar, the lit end almost mimicking his glowing red nose.   I still don’t know what he did to deserve this punishment  but I’m glad he did it.  There is nobody I’d rather have at my back when the shit hit the fan.
Our mission this time was clear.  A laboratory in the human world was attempting something that none of us would have ever thought possible but they were too close to completing their task.  The Syro Corporation had somehow recovered the remains of the beloved Frosty the Snowman based on the townspeoples’ accounts of his last known whereabouts.  Our squad had actually been looking for his silk hat for a while now with no luck.  We hoped it had not fallen into the wrong hands.
Three days ago we got word that satellites had finally gotten a shot of the hat in transit to Syro Corp headquarters.  I had a feeling that if they tried to resurrect Frosty, the results would be catastrophically dangerous.  Our superiors must have shared my belief because here we were about to engage in a daring raid of their laboratories.  Operation Thumpity Thump consisted of three objectives.  First, the retrieval of Frosty’s remains so that a proper burial could be performed.  Second, the recovery or destruction of the silk hat so that this particular Christmas magic could never be used again.  Finally, we needed to destroy their hard drives.
I said a silent prayer as the cargo door opened and everybody but Rudolph and Halo grabbed a parachute.  We are the Elf Black Ops Squad and we were not here to be on the nice list.

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