Posts Tagged ‘Stitches’

Aftershocks: Dark Carnival Pt. 3

October 17, 2020

Nancy stood seething and breathing hard in her anger with her fists clenched. Lydia moved to her side and gently touched her arm and Nancy calmed down a little bit. Rob stepped up to her other side and gave her a little nod. She nodded back.

“Killjoy!” Nancy shouted out. “If you’re working for my dad, we have a problem. Come out here!”

“No no, you little shits,” Killjoy shouted out through the PA system. “I still don’t think I am going to do that. Not when I still have people to fight for me. I pick my spots.”

“Show yourself clown!” Lydia called out. “We want to get this over with.”

“Unless you’re a coward,” Rob said with a smirk. This set off some grumbled curses over the PA system. Obviously, they had touched a nerve.

This was when a spotlight went on and in the middle of the pool of light stood the most pathetic, rotten-looking clown that any of the three had seen. They all instantly recoiled from him as he had a sinister air to him. He only had one eye and the missing one looked like it had been stabbed with a bladed weapon. Everything about him looked disheveled or injured, unlike the bright-painted clowns they had just dispatched. He was calmly smoking a cigarette. This thing had a completely dirty feel to it rather than the flashy, dangerous feel of the others.

“Who are you?” Nancy asked, all of them tensing up again. They knew that even the most pathetic looking demon could still be a threat.

“The name’s Stitches,” Stitches said in a Scottish accent. “I’m about to rain on your parade.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flower and put it on his lapel. The flower suddenly erupted with a geyser of water that the three barely dodged. Stitches adjusted aim to follow them and ended up hitting Nancy who was nearly washed away. She dug her claws into the ground and held on tight. She tried to turn her head so she did not swallow all of the water.

“Stop it!” Rob shouted and fired his shotgun, the ironshot and salt mix pelting Stitches on his right side. Stitches looked annoyed at best.

“Quit it,” Stitches said calmly and gestured at Roy and a noisemaker shot out and somehow knocked Rob off of his feet.

Lydia muttered a few words and threw a fireball at Stitches. At the last moment, Stitches pulled out a red-stained umbrella and used it to block the fireball.

“Cool off!” Stitches growled angrily but the geyser of water died down as he turned toward Lydia. A blade sprang from the point of the umbrella and he advanced on Lydia with extra menace. Nancy was still struggling to her feet, belching water onto the ground. Stitches swiped and stabbed at Lydia who had to scramble backward. She used her baseball bat to deflect some of the shots. The situation was dire.

“Stop!” Nancy managed to get out. “It’s me you want. It’s me that my father wants.” She started to struggle to her feet. She was soaked to the bone but she was still staring daggers at Stitches which only seemed to amuse the clown. He laughed and walked a few steps toward Nancy.

“That’s true enough,” Stitches said. “but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun first. Hell does not really like your friends here. The three of you have been a pain in the arse and Hell will be glad to be rid of both of them before we drag you home to daddy.”

“Come get me then,” Nancy said, getting to her feet. “Come and get me already.”

Stitches started to walk toward her in earnest, spurred on by her taunting. At that point, Rob attacked on Stitches’ blindside and stabbed him in his empty socket. Stitches cried out and screamed and then started laughing.

“Third time is not the charm, boy,” Stitches says. “I’ve been stabbed before.”

“Not with an angel blade,” Rob said and smiled. Stitches’ smile faded and he suddenly cracked like an eggshell and collapsed into nothing.

Lydia moved to hug Nancy. “Are you alright?” she asked.

Nancy nodded. “I’m just tired and very, very angry,” she said. “I want to go home.”

“We’re almost done,” Lydia said. “One to go.”

Stitches (2012)

October 17, 2016

Clowns. Why did it have to be clowns? Well, it is because I picked this movie because I have always found clowns to be pretty damned scary. When I visited the Ringling Brothers circus with my folks when it rolled into downtown Baltimore when I was little, I was always pretty excited. I mean they had all sorts of tumbling and flashy stuff going on. They also had lions running around doing what I assumed was normal lion stuff. The lions at the zoo were always just lounging around so I never was super excited by them. Here they were jumping through hoops of flame. The clowns always made me wary. They circulated into the crowd before the show and even as a kid I did not like that attention. Something about them made me nervous. They were fine doing their act in the middle of the ring but if they came near me I squirmed. Now, clowns seem even more out of place to me and even scarier. I am fascinated by them but, thanks to Batman and horror movies, I see them more as cool and creepy villains rather than the joyful creatures they are supposed to be.

I wanted to do a clown movie this year. This is the third year I have done reviews around Halloween and the first year I covered a messed-up film called Clownhouse. So, if I was going to do a clown horror movie, the obvious choice was to do the recent horror movie called Clown. However, that was produced by Eli Roth and he is kind of a cancer on the horror genre so I did not want to have a bad time. Instead, I wanted to review the movie Killjoy from Full Moon Pictures. It turns out my brand new copy of all of the Killjoy movies (and all of the Puppetmaster movies) got lost in the mail so it will have to wait until next year. Do not worry, I will be discussing some Full Moon Pictures movies later this month. So, I went back to the drawing board and found this movie on Netflix. I was sure that it was not going to be hard to find another clown horror movie I had not seen yet and the internet does not disappoint. So, we get a more recent horror film that hopefully will fill my nightmares with clowns once again. At least they are better than the than the nightmares about high school.

I was not expecting what this movie would be at all. The first thing that I did not expect is that it is Irish and filmed in Ireland. One of the things I love about Netflix and about this project is that it has opened me up to new opportunities in foreign films. That means that there was almost automatically nobody in this film I would recognize and ends up being the case. This is great because I love diving into a movie full of unknowns so I can go in with no pre-conceived notions. The actors in this movie are all pretty young, especially since most of them are supposed to portray sixteen-year-olds. This is perfect because teenagers are one of the preferred demographics for supernatural killers in horror movies. The acting was good in kind of a punk rock, All Cheerleaders Must Die kind of way. They end up portraying high school as I remember it, petty and emotional but mostly harmless in the end.

When I read the description, I was prepared for a clown that comes back from the dead to kill the kids at the birthday party where he accidentally died. At best, I was hoping for a ghost clown that would haunt them or an undead clown who would savagely murder them. What I got was something somewhere between those two options. It was like Pennywise the Clown if Tim Curry had been directed to be scary. Another comparison I could make is Freddy Krueger if he had been a party clown instead of a Christmas sweater-wearing janitor and was a little more literal. I was not ready for the movie to have so much lore and world-building when it comes to clowns. The movie creates this whole weird occult conspiracy in the first few minutes that I could never have expected in my wildest dreams. The movie used elements from a lot of horror movies I have seen to create something entirely new and scary. The way the villain moves and the unique and terrible deaths they concocted for him are definitely very memorable as well. Most of his victims were decent people for teens and definitely did not deserve to die.

Overall, this was a dark horse of a horror movie just like Horns and The Babadook from last year. This is especially funny since the movie was originally supposed to star Daniel Radcliffe right after Deathly Hallows. The movie is definitely pretty scary but it has kind of a punk rock sense of humor to it as well. That punk rock quality also extends to the violence, though. This movie does not pull any punches with how cruel the deaths are. The practical effects and other special effects are exceptional and that means that the gore is very graphic and disgusting but in a good way. At one point, Stitches delivers a tagline of ‘This Clown Isn’t Funny’ and he’s right. However, he is kind of funny in an extremely dark, offbeat kind of way because he is just amusing himself. In that way, he would probably get along with Charles “Chucky” Lee Ray. It was a great movie and I definitely knew how much it had gripped me when I had to watch something happier directly after so I could breathe again. With all the clown sightings lately, I definitely enjoyed being scared by one that could not actually hurt me. I definitely recommend it.

Falling Down: Now and Then

April 14, 2009

Like most human beings I am affected by the force of gravity and thus I have a tendency to fall at inoportune times. Of course, this can be both hilarious and traumatizing. Usually traumatizing and then very funny after I’ve realized that I’m ok. I’ve become fairly good at falling over the years as most people do. At least, I hope most people do. Hell, I may just be abnormal in that respect. I am, in fact, somewhat clumsy although I can never gauge whether I’m more or less clumsy than others.

When I was in elementary school, around first grade I believe, I fell off a piece of playground equipment. I fell like a stone, of course, right down to the woodchips that covered our Narnia-sized playground. This piece of playground equipment has been torn down much like many pieces of equipment from my generation. Which is a shame because I can only remember two big injuries being caused by it.

Anyway, I didn’t just fall off what we called the “Old Ship”, I fell with consequences. See, I fell facing a vertical ladder. My forehead bounced off of the steel rungs once by one and when my head recoiled, the back of my head slammed into a heavy bulkhead. I fell to ground, landing on my feet but immediately fell onto my rear. My companions, Marie Graf and Rachel Gormley, hastened to my side as I sat down heavily on a well-worn piece of wood.

“I’m fine.” I said, cutting off their inquiries before they came. I reached back to rub the back of my head and my hand came away red. I think my heart stopped as I heard female screams. I think I was too stunned to scream myself. Someone must have gotten a grownup because before long I was in the nurse’s office and then the emergency room. I got two stitches, the first in my life.

That moment came back to me recently because I fell again. Now before you jump off your chairs in worry for my safety I didn’t need any stitches this time. I merely bruised the side of my left knee and, of course, my behind. Basically, I fell off of a ladder.

I arrived at my job in the morning to see my boss ready to work on the porch roof of the house we had built for Proof. He needed help so I grabbed a ladder and set it up on the porch and grabbed a battery-operated screwdriver that I will refer to as a “Screwgun”. Anyway, I climbed up the ladder quickly without realizing that the ladder was not fully on the platform. One of the back legs slipped off the edge and the ladder fell backwards with me on it.

Time seemed to slow down, as cliche as that is, and it seemed to take a minute to fall about 7 feet. This is what convinced me that I’ve learned how to fall because I didn’t freak out much and I spread out the contact. That way the impact was spread out over my body. The only reason I bruised my knee is because it landed on a bucket. I got off light this time and it made me actually laugh out loud and carry on with a jolt of adrenaline. I’ll keep you all informed.

Bonus: This song by Ben Folds reminds me of my epic fall from the “Old Ship” every time I hear it and yet a few people know it is one of my favorite songs.  It’s about when Ben Folds fell off the stage at a concert in Japan.

Ben Folds – Hiroshima


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