Posts Tagged ‘Tarzan’

Underworld Hunters – A Disney Crossover Story

April 24, 2021

The room was not very inviting when they arrived. A very large table sat in the middle of it. Many of them would have called it a dining table but who would make a dining table out of stone? It was so cold despite all of the blue flames in the room. There were exactly enough chairs for all of them which meant that the room had been staged just for them. Cruella was smart enough to be unnerved by that but she did not think the others noticed. They did not strike her as very bright. They reminded her of the Baddun brothers. Fairly stupid but also arrogant.

She was not a fool so she knew where she was. She remembered her death and her arrival in what could only be the Underworld. It was different than she had suspected. She had expected pearly gates but after a lot of reflection in this place, she realized that she probably could have been nicer to those dogs. She probably could have been nicer to a lot of people. The moment had passed and now she was stuck in this hole. However, this room was new and it certainly broke the monotony.

Suddenly, one of the others spoke up. It was a big oaf with his feet propped up on the table.

“When are we going to find out why we’re here?” the man said loudly. “This is boring!” The man was wearing a tight red shirt and even tighter pants. His dark black hair was in a ponytail.

“Shut your mouth, you fool,” Cruella said almost in a hiss. “Don’t you know where you are?”

“I could care less,” the man said. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the great Gaston! I fear nothing!”

“Empty bravado,” Cruella said. “you really are a fool.”

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with the lady,” a man in a wide-brimmed hat said. “We have to keep one eye open here. McLeach is the name, by the way.” He tipped his hat and somehow the gesture was not polite but threatening. The man had skin like leather from being out in the sun too much and his words were thick with what Cruella guessed was an Australian accent.

“At least there’s a little intelligence in this room,” Cruella said.

“What’s your name, lady?” McLeach asked.

“Cruella de Ville,” Cruella said with a flourish. “Certainly you’ve heard of me.”

“Nobody’s heard of you,” the third and final man said. “Neither have I heard of Gaston or McLeach. All nonsense names. I hardly expect you to know my name either even though it is known in many circles.” The man looked absolutely put together with slicked-back hair and a thin pencil mustache.

“What is your name then?” Cruella asked.

“William Clayton,” the man said. “Greatest hunter that ever lived.”

McLeach and Gaston laughed at that, each in their own way.

“Noone hunts like Gaston!” Gaston cried out. “I doubt you could match me kill for kill.”

“Calm down there, Frenchie,” McLeach said. “I know I’m a better hunter than you but I’m not about to get into a pissing contest. Where have you hunted, Clayton?”

“Africa mostly,” Clayton said. “The most dangerous continent.”

“Doesn’t hold a candle to Australia,” McLeach said with a chuckle.

“I thought we weren’t engaging in pissing contests,” Cruella said with a smirk that caused McLeach to frown.

“Is your name really devil,” Gaston asked suddenly.

“Shut up,” Cruella said simply.

“How about we all shut up?” a voice said as the doors opened. A gaunt man with blue flames for hair and a smirk on his face walked in. “How about we all just settle down and play nice for the moment, huh?”

“Who are you?” Gaston asked indignantly.

“What are you?” Clayton asked, aghast at the supernatural figure before him.

“Hades,” the man said. “Lord of the Underworld. You’re in my house so you play by my rules. Capiche? Great. Now I’ve invited you four because I have a bit of a problem and you’re just ruthless enough to solve it. Two days ago, a coven of witches escaped from the Underworld. Now, I’m the boss around here but I have to deal with my brothers who are big pains in the keister. Frankly, I love to send chaos up there but these were unauthorized. I need you to go up there and take them out. The hard way.”

Before anybody could say anything, Cruella raised her hand. “We accept,” she said simply. “Give us weapons and we’ll bag these witches for you. If it means getting out of here ourselves for even a moment, we accept.” She glared at the others and they all nodded.

Red of the Feywild – A Fairy Tale/DnD Story

April 21, 2021

Red had spent three full years away from her village near the woods and it was strange to be back. Years ago she had left on a simple errand, through the woods to grandmother’s house to deliver a basket of food to help her nana through a sickness. On the way, she had been accosted by a wolf that had spoken to her. She had been shaken by the experience but she had survived. When she had arrived at her nana’s house, she had discovered that the wolf had already attacked the house. Her nana was dead. Red would have been killed too in that cabin if a passing huntsman had not saved her. He escorted her back to the village.

It turned out that the wolf had attacked in that area because it had been displaced by a roving band of orcs. When they arrived back at Red’s village the next day it was on fire. Her parents had been killed in the chaos. She gathered up what belongings she wanted and followed the huntsman back into the woods. For two years the huntsman and his wife had taught her how to survive, how to hunt, and how to fight. Eventually, she was old enough to hunt and forage on her own. She was armed so she felt a lot braver. She even hoped she might meet a wolf or some orcs and show them how much stronger she was.

Except, life had other plans. She wounded a rabbit with her bow and arrow and while she was chasing it, she crawled under a fallen tree. When she stood back up she realized she had managed to fall out of her world. She was in a dangerous new place and it was a week later that she confirmed that she had entered the Feywild. That was only when she had found other people her age. They had banded together to survive and, impossible as it might seem, they survived a full year in the Feywild together. Alice the elf noble, Jack the human trickster, a halfling altar boy named Seng, and a tiefling farm girl named Buira. It had hardened them into true adventurers. A ranger, a warlock, a rogue, a cleric, and a fighter.

“We don’t have to be here,” Alice said gently from behind Red. “We can turn around and find work elsewhere.”

“Now wait a minute,” Jack said. “avoiding trauma is all well and good but we still need food and a place to sleep tonight.” They had existed for an entire year without a proper bed but, now that they were back, some of them had grown accustomed to a nice downy bed.

“Quiet Jack,” Alice said and waved her hand. Her hand mirror lit up and Jack’s mouth kept moving but no sound came out. The magical cat that lived in that pendant and spoke only to Alice was a bit strange but they all trusted Alice’s judgment.

“It’s alright,” Red said. “Jack’s right. A job is a job. Besides, the village is being stalked by a monster. If we can help, we should.”

“I agree,” Alice said. “I just wanted to make sure that we are all on the same page.”

“We are in complete harmony,” Seng said. “Together there is no obstacle we cannot overcome.” He was always so optimistic and calming. It could be irritating sometimes but often, it was actually comforting.

“Our strength has much to do with it as well,” Buira said. “We will not be here long if it is a single monster we are dealing with.” Buira was so strong that it had been scary at first but she was very loyal to her friends.

“Good,” Red said. “Staying in one place too long makes Jack’s fingers start to itch.” Jack had earned himself a criminal reputation during their time together.

“I don’t steal things that much,” Jack said indignantly.

“Tell that to the goose,” Red said with a smile. Knowing her friends had her back made her a bit braver about walking into her old village again. “Let’s get some food and our rooms before we ask about the monster.”

“A solid plan,” Seng said. “It will be good to rest my feet.”

“I agree,” Red said. She had been running long enough.

Media Update 8/18/2016

August 18, 2016


I did not really know what to expect from this movie but I have a deep and abiding trust in Disney by this point. In fact, I really should trust Disney a little more than I do because even when I doubt them, they deliver. I doubted the teaser trailer for this movie but I should have learned from Frozen. I think Disney just makes horrible teaser trailers (except for Moana, I guess). When I found out that this movie has a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes I knew I just had to see the movie. I mean, I see all Disney movies anyway but I really wanted to see this one. The day I went to see it in theaters it was sold out and so I saw 10 Cloverfield Lane instead. I am so glad I finally got to see this. For one, it stars Ginnifer Goodwin who was one of the coolest things about Once Upon a Time. It also has Jason Bateman doing a really great job too. God, the animation just gets better and smoother with each movie. The story of the movie actually speaks to a lot of interesting themes like prejudice and affirmative action. This had every possibility of just being a lazy story about a city full of animals. They could have told a story that any human movie could have told but they told a story that really uses the fact that the characters are animals but also resonates with our lives. I do not want to spoil any of the movie. You should just go out and see it.


Finding Dory

So, for a while, I was watching every single Pixar release and I would not miss one for the world. Of course, after Cars 2, I decided to skip Planes and Planes 2 but they are the only ones I have not seen now. Finding Nemo was a very touching story about the love of family and the lengths we will go for love. The breakout star was Ellen Degeneres who stole the scene over and over again. The movie ended up being kind of America’s apology for kicking her to the curb for being gay earlier. She is a great comedian and, it turns out, a great voice actor. So we get this sequel starring Degeneres’ character who was actually the saddest and darkest part of Finding Nemo. So I go into this a little tentatively, knowing Disney and Pixar can make me cry. Degeneres was on fire again, possibly even better than Finding Nemo. Ed O’Neill played a really great grumpy octopus. Everybody returned from Finding Nemo and turned in great performances. Diane Keaton, Eugene Levy, Ty Burrell, Kaitlin Olson joined the awesome cast along with a lot of great bit parts. It really looks like Pixar might have really gotten over the stumbling blocks in the past. The story was touching and inspiring. It was a story about how we never know what we can do until we try. It also explored the memories we make and how they shape us whether we realize it or not and accepting our flaws as part of us. It was a beautiful movie and I definitely recommend it.



There is one reason I had been avoiding this movie and his name is Phil Collins. Phil Collins makes some of the whitest and blandest music in the world and yes I meant that as an insult. I used to have a friend (RIP Billy) who loved Phil Collins and he used to tease me about me not liking Collins or Genesis. I decided it was finally time as I recently made it my mission to watch every Disney animated film (or at least the theatrical releases). Tarzan was a major one that I had missed and I figured it was way past time to tackle it. When I played Kingdom Hearts, I got pretty familiar with the story and settings so, unfortunately, some of that was spoiled for me. The first thing I will say is the animation is really cool. There is one sequence where you watch Tarzan grow up and it was so smooth that I could not tell if Tarzan was steadily growing or if there were cuts edited in. The musculature of Tarzan and the movement of the animals was really awesome looking as well. The acting was pretty good but the real standouts were actually Rosie O’Donnell and Brian Blessed. Brian Blessed was a perfect deep-voiced villain, right up there with Scar and Jafar. Rosie O’Donnell was a little annoying at first but when I found out that her part had originally been male but was gender bent based on her audition, I had a lot of respect. The movie was really good in spite of my low expectations and I was impressed with the amount of detail they put in. The only downside was the music. It was not as bad as I expected but it was all sung by Phil Collins instead of the characters in the movie. It was a little off-putting but I do recommend the movie despite that.


Music of the Week:

Iskra – Wolf of Winter

Bat For Lashes – All Your Gold

Bulletbelt – Black Banshee

The Specials – Rat Race

Logic – Like Woah


Weekly Updates:
– This week’s theme is “Animals of Disney Animation”
– I’ve got a new favorite show to talk to you about soon
– I watched more Dark Matter and I love it
– I actually watched more Shannara Chronicles and it gets better
– Watched more Olympics though I’m kind of done with it
– If you pay attention, I started to rank what I saw each week. First is best, last was worst or not as best
– If all goes well, I am taking my final exams for the semester today
– I’m almost done with Season 3 of Person Interest.

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