Archive for November, 2012

Weretigers Among Us!

November 18, 2012

By Walter Russo

BALTIMORE COUNTY –  Residents of Edgemere got a surprise on Sunday morning when a tiger was spotted around 7:00 am (1200 GMT) walking down North Point Road.  Local wildlife officials and police believe that the tiger may be living in nearby North Point State Park.  No less than 5 residents saw the wildcat but kept their distance and were not harmed.

Tigers are rare in the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States and this may be a historic first sighting of a Tiger within the Baltimore Metropolitan area outside of a zoo.  The tiger (Panthera Tigris) is the world’s largest cat species.  A full grown tiger averages around 650 lbs and is usually around eleven feet long.

Local wildlife officials have had no luck finding any sign of a tiger within the vicinity of North Point State Park.  The lack of paw prints has led some to believe that the are may now be home to a weretiger and perhaps even multiple weretigers.  A weretiger can benchpress a full-sized sedan in human form and can break a human neck with a single paw swipe in tiger form.  Accelerated speed, strength and healing makes civilian combat against weretigers inadvisable.

The offices of John Olzsewski were not available for comment.  A spokesperson for local animal control would not comment on the accuracy of this information.

This reporter will continue to report on the weretiger cover up.  The truth will come out.  Until local authorities mobilize to neutralize this threat, citizens need to protect themselves by locking their doors and staying inside.

(This post is, of course, fictional. As far as I know, there is no such thing as weretigers and this is just a fun writing experiment. Look for the further adventures of Walter Russo in later blog posts.)



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